REPORT: Sam’s Super Bowl Ring May Be Responsible for Hip Injury

SEATTLE — Sam’s reign as a Super Bowl champion has encountered its first major obstacle:

Apparently, you’re supposed to take the ring off.

Sources close to absolutely nobody report that Seattle’s QB has refused to be separated from his new Super Bowl ring, wearing it to team meetings, practice, dinner, bed, and—against the advice of several people who understand basic jewelry etiquette—the season opener.

Five plays into the new season, Sam was taken down hard. Unfortunately, there was one piece of equipment the training staff apparently forgot to account for: a massive championship ring reportedly tucked “safely” in his pocket. Sam immediately grabbed his hip and left the game.

The ring? Completely unharmed.

There has been no official word on whether Seattle will convince its quarterback to leave the ring at home next time. Negotiations are ongoing.

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